Saturday, February 23, 2013

How Can I Explain A Persons Death To A Child?

Yesterday my boyfriends grandfather passed away after battling Cancer.

I have lived through enough of my own friends and families death to know how to feel and react, but for him it is a somewhat new area.
I know I need to be there for him, but what happens when he won't let me? Lets face it he is a man and at the best of times keep their feeling hidden away and pretend everything is fine, when we all know it isn't.

I am having a hard time trying to explain that he's better now that he is gone and that is really true but knowing that and not being upset are two different things. My boyfriend is glad he's no longer in pain and knows it is best for him to be free. He just can't deal with what he's feeling and to add that on top our three year old has no idea what is going on.

We told L that his Great Grandfather had died and he thinks that he can come back another day which is normal and I know that, but for someone else to be grieving its a lot harder for them to hear that and not get upset.
I have already made the choice that L is just to young to deal with everything that we will have to go through the new few weeks and its best he not attend any gatherings for his Great Grandfather.
I asked my boyfriend what he felt about it and he said to me "I guess if you think that's best".

Have any of you dealt with trying to help an adult deal with death for the first time?
What are some tips that could maybe help me through this difficult time?

Do you think my choice for our son was the right one or should I let him go to funeral?
What age were you when you lost your grandparents? Are they all still alive?

I was 16 when my dad's mom passed away after an accident and then 6 months and one day later my dad's father died as well from cancer.
My other grandparents are still with us and I am so thankful for that and them to be here.
But I have lost a lot of people in my 26 years including my best friend 5 years ago this march.

If you have any ideas on how to help explain death to my son that would be wonderful please.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

They Say Two Is Bad.... It Was A Walk In A Park Over Three

Today we had a bit of snow fall as well as yesterday, I decided while L's dad was at work L and I would go and clean up the driveway and he could play in his little snow fort.

This was not an easy task I soon found out, first he decided he wanted to help so we got his little shovel out that he uses at the beach and he tried to help, when I say try I mean tried my patience by getting in the way and pulling down all the snow from the banks we have made over Winter.
He then said he was to tired to help any more and I was thinking finally he will be out of the way so that my normally 15 minutes that has now turned into half an hour job and I was still not even half done will be finished. 

He sat against the car and watched me for about five minutes when he then decided to climb the hill of snow where I had just finally finished that area. He climbed to the top and pushed it all back down on the way up. I was starting to get tired and sore, I just wanted to go inside and not finish, but then what would that be teaching L, I can't have him learning that giving up is okay.

I pretended that he never knocked it all down and moved on for now. I guess he thought he could help from up there because the next thing I hear is "Mommy!!!! Look I am helping up here!" He thing start to throw it all to the ground.
Inside I was breaking and wanting to cry, but I kept going until I broke and told him that he could have a treat when we got inside if he climbed back down and sat by the car. I know what everyone is thinking. You are now bribing him?

I know its not the right thing to do, but at this point I was getting angry and didn't want to yell at him, He complied and waited for another 10 minutes when he then told me "Mommy!!!! Look I am helping again!!
And he was by now cleaning off my car.
So after another 35 minutes the driveway was done and we were in the house.
He then said "I can undress myself" so I sat and let him and instructed him when he needed a little assistance and watched as he got him self stuck and needed help, but not with out protest.
He finally got his boots off and we were in on the couch relaxing.

This wasn't all of his helping today, but dinner is a whole other story at a different time.